11.05.2008

he's just a president; don't cry so hard.

god was never real to me; i scoffed at him through 8 year-old eyes. 

adolf pulled as many delighted tears from a broken nation as barack did tonight, and it is possible that such a mandate could take us in such the wrong direction. i hesitate with a piece of my brain to let this man have the whole of my heart, because no, racism did not just take it's dying breath. my students will still face a storm of challenges that are unjustly on their shoulders as a result of an epic oppression system, and i will still have to teach them fractions. i hesitate; afraid that the half-assed bandaid of a half-black president will stop the bleeding that breeds social movements and brings the real mechanics of progress and change. i hesitate to submit myself to anyone at all, knowing what it feels like to be excommunicated by people you trusted your life to-- i hesitate to admit him into the person i really am. 

the hesitation of my brain, however, is swept by the pouring passion in my heart and i am compelled to believe in something like i never have, like the other person i once was never had, i believe-- i have never believed in anything. 

thou shalt not worship false idols, i know-- and it is a sorry state to see strong americans thrust into such a thoughtless frenzy... but goddamn if i didn't watch his face and feel something-- trust, (i trust this man and his wife) and pride. 

i have never been proud. 

tonight, finally, after a wide-eyed, infantile bliss, i am going to bed with something new to wake up to: everything is going to be okay. 

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